7 Days Of Celibacy … The Horrible Experiments I Conduct On MyselfFeb 2nd, 2007 | By Rachit Dayal | Category: Personal Stories, Romance
(Yesterday, *somebody* read my blog as said “Another boring post ah? Where’s the funny stuff??”. Thank for the feedback my dear. This post is at your expense )
A few weeks ago, I was reading Alvin’s Post on Paiboon and wondering about the changes he’s made in his life … wearing scant clothes, life without distractions, no personal contact and focussing his energy inwards.
Yeah yeah, I know monks are supposed be celibate. But it really hit me when I heard Paiboon’s hit the 7 month mark!
So, I decided to become a monk myself for a few weeks.
Ummm … so I began listing out what it takes to be a monk …
- Scant clothes.
- Wake up early.
- Eat simple food.
- Meditate Daily.
- Become celibate.
- That’s it? This is easy …
As I left the list on my table for a few hours … some thoughts started popping up in my head.
- Scant clothes. I’ll look a little skinny, but no problem I guess … Hmmmmm, I don’t really have any orange robes that look good. And I have a couple of important networking events next week. Cannot lah, I’ll be a monk without the fancy monky clothes.
- Waking up early. Now, this one … I can do. Anyway, I sleep too much. The only problem … err … Got coach training next week. Which means, cannot sleep early. And when I return in the middle of the night, much more useful to stay up and work than go to sleep at 2 (might as well sleep at 4, no?). And at 4 o clock … McDonalds breakfast starts, so might as well have breakfast. And when I sleep at 6, then how to wake up early? Never mind, this one not so important.
- Eat simple food. This I do anyway. Haiya, I’m already a monk for this.
- Meditate Daily. Erm, been wanting to do this for a long time. But my roommates will laugh at me if they hear a loud “Ommmmmm” early in the morning. Never mind, I’ll do it quietly.
- Become celibate? Haaaa …. ummm, this seems impossible! I can’t remember the last time I was celibate for even 3 days … must’ve really sick or something. Not my fault what … my sex drive is in my genes!
Err … nothing left to do leh – how?
But I was always perplexed by the idea of celibacy ….
I’ll be honest – I have a high sex drive. I can’t imagine going even a few days without acknowledging my sexuality (yeah yeah, use your imagination here).
And I wondered what would happen, if I focussed this energy inwards … if there was a better use for the “outward sexual pleasure” I let out into the universe … if that same energy and feeling could be achieved without physically or mentally thinking about sex?
Here’s what triggered the whole idea
Ok, so I didn’t really think I could do it. I mean, there was no precedent in my 23 years of existence for it!
But here’s how I changed my mind …
It was a Thursday night, I made a surprise visit to my girlfriend after office and we had a cozy dinner at the food court near her place. After dinner, I started making my usual advances and leading her on to the bedroom.
It worked for a while, we were close, kissing etc. But for whatever reason – she didn’t want to make out! I “tried” every move I could think of … but to no avail. Rachit’s charm was neutralized at last!
After a while, she got pissed with my horndog efforts and politely threw me out. Of course, my canada-sized ego wouldn’t take that … so I stormed out with a frown on my face and a few curses under my lips – How dare she NOT make out with me! (Yes, you’re allowed to laugh at my immaturity).
So, anyway … I was super pissed and feeling a tad incompetent. And that’s when I remembered my idea of super-celibacy. “Hell” I thought, nature’s already pushed me down that path … might as well start my 7 days tomorrow.
Going Seven Days Without Sex Or Masturbation Sounds Challenging!
Cool! I’m gonna take up the challenge. To give myself a head start (pun intended), I’ll let begin as soon as possible.
So, the next day when I woke up … I decided to put it down in stone … err paper … err notepad lah.
I figured it wouldn’t be too hard. Making out++ can be ruled out for a week since I pissed her off last night anyway. Masturbation and accidental touching would be the hard part … and I could just pay more conscious attention and get rid of it … like I got rid of the “try” word.
Ok lah! First day is going well already … I spend the day working and eating.
Day 1 – Irony strikes
Almost done with day 1 … it’s like 1 o clock in the night and I get a phone call.
She’s on the other end – “Hey, I wanted to talk about something.”
Me – “OK sure, go on”
She – “I think we should break up”
Me – “…”
(3 minutes pass)
She – “Rach, are you there?”
Me – “…”
She – “Hello? Is this phone working??”
Me – “… … … … … Yeah … … …”
She – “So, we’re all set then? Break up, ok?”
Me – “Whoa wait … what’s going on here?” (I pinch myself to make sure)
She – “I don’t feel like being your girlfriend any more. We don’t have anything in common. All we do is make out. And you’re pushing me away, so I’m gonna walk away first”
Me – “Erm, yeah … but it’s always been this way with us, what?”
bla bla … 20 minutes of arguing and convincing before I give up … bla bla
She – “How about this. Let’s break up. If I regret it like you say I will, then I’ll come back and beg you … and you have the choice of rejecting me”
Me – (Pretty tired of convincing by this point) “Ok (this sucks) good night”
My first thought was like “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, how dare she break my heart”
But at the back of mind, there was another thought “Hmmm. This will definitely make the celibacy thing a lot easier”.
A Horrible Night Ensues
It was not a good night. The break up triggered an anxiety attack. The anxiety triggered indigestion & food poisoning. I spent the night in the bathroom cursing her, god, nature, myself and everyone else I could remember.
So, after about 8 hours of eating medicines, drinking fluids and drifting in and out of sleep to rush to the bathroom – I woke up in the morning, a little better.
Day 2 – The Next Morning …
The medicines had done their job. This day was going to be better than the night. At 11AM, I get out of bed, greet my roomies and explain the adventures of last night.
They help me bitch about women in general … and we head out for lunch. It’s a nice cool day and we have a few good laughs over clayput beancurd and si chuan friend chicken.
After lunch, as we’re walking over to Shop N Save … I get a call from her … My first instinct is to ignore it. I’m happy today, and I don’t need to listen to her.
Anyway, who follows first instincts any more. So, I pick it up and answer with a cheerful “Hey … What’s Up?”
She – “Where are you?”
Me – “Shop N Save”
She – “Bukit Batok? Or Near Your House?”
Me – “Near My House … Why?”
She – Silent for 5 seconds. “Because I’m at home”
Me – “My home?? Wow … ok … I guess I’ll be back in a bit”
She – “OK”. Click.
My roommate overhears this conversation – “Dude, go home. We can buy bread & green tea ourselves”.
I don’t resist the offer. I run back home. It takes me all of 6 minutes.
I reach home and walk into my bedroom … there she is sitting on my bed with her Puss-In-Boots cute/sorry
look (anyone remember the kitten from Shrek 2?).
Me – “What’re you doing here?”
She – “I”m sorry.”
Booo hooo. After a few minutes of crying (mine, not hers), we make up and I explain my celibacy plan. She doesn’t say much. We just hug.
5 minutes pass. The hug just gets tigher. I’m thinking “O o … I can’t be doing this … I gotto be celibate”
10 minutes pass. Some hands slip under some shirts. “Dammit, it’s time to pull out and go for a cold shower”.
15 minutes pass. I’ve now decided to screw it – The chance for make up sex is just too good to pass up .
So, eventually we end up making out … and I end my celibacy pledge about 36 hours after starting it. Hey, it still might be a new record.
So that, ladies & gentlemen was my experiment with celibacy. It didn’t end in celibacy. But it did end in some sort of success
Oh, and everything you’ve heard is true. “Make up making out” after a break up is definitely the best. Hell, try breaking up just to experience making up