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Do You Feel Victimized?

Jan 30th, 2007 | By | Category: Happiness, Health & Healing, Motivation, NLP, Peace

I have two friends – A & B.

A & myself go to a class conducted by B. Be is an unusual character. For strangers, he is rude, obnoxious and meaningless. For his friends, he is the greatest inspiration of life’s wisdom … seriously.

Over the past weekend, I was talking to friend A. In one of our classes together, A felt victimized by B. Felt like he didn’t have to take this kind of shit from B.

This is an open letter I’m writing to A. It is meant for him. And me. And you. There are times all of us feel victimized and hate towards someone else. For my, its sometimes my clients or myself. For you it could be your boss, friend or family member.

At times like this, I will come back and read this letter. I hope you do too.

Hi there,

Are you feeling angry? Pissed off? Hateful towards someone else?

Did you spend some time with that person and feel absolutely useless?

Tell me if that person embodied some of these things you hate …

  • S/he is obnoxious and behaves rudely
  • S/he seems to favour other people over you
  • S/he doesn’t treat you right … or cracks jokes at your expense
  • You feel like you’re an outcast in the group … like everyone else knows what’s been talked about, except you.
  • This other person is being unreasonable and not understanding
  • You don’t even feel like analyzing this hate … you just want to express your anger
  • You’re happy with being angry – You don’t need to hear any logical solution to the problem/conflict

I’ve definitely been in several of these situations. One of the biggest risks of socializing is meeting people and not immediately clicking together. That’s why the homeless fellow who talks to himself is the happiest person in the world.

So, you’re stuck in this situation right? You don’t feel like logically resolving this situation … so, you’re kinda stuck with this conflict …

Well, yes and no.

In The Pathlight Centre’s hypnosis course, there is one simple example we remember. It’s the same example, I tell the clients & readers of my self-improvement book (No, I won’t discuss its name or URL here yet :) )

I think that concept is embodied in a short poem I read a long time ago …

Two men looked out from the prison bars.
One saw the mud. The other saw the stars.

It’s the concept of E + R = O

Event + Response = Outcome

Events happen all around us. Bus passes just before we reach the bus stop. It rains just as we leave home. Bosses & colleagues get pissed off and vent on us. And much worse.

The response we choose is the most important thing. Do you moan about missing the bus or enjoy the radio while waiting for the next one? Will you groan under an umbrella or laugh/sing in the rain?

Will you take other people’s behaviour personally and allow your mood to be turned off? Or can you look beyond their unreasonable behaviour, recognize the hidden meaning or the lousy day they must be having … or Make them smile instead?

And that response you choose, will define what happens next. Inevitably, if you stop, smile to yourself … and take the high road in understanding the big picture here … you’ll walk away happy for the rest of the day.

No, it’s not easy. Sometimes it’s so infuriating to lose and hard to give up the anger.

But the answer always lies within you.

The only question is … how much time will it be before you smile, pick the right response … and make up your own mood?

Good luck (Your name here), I hope the next time you need to read this little piece … you’re able to kill the demons within … embrace the smile within you and move on to happier things :)

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