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How To Bitch Your Heart Out … And Yet Make Sure Nobody Hears You!

Jan 9th, 2007 | By | Category: Happiness, Health & Healing, Hypnosis, Motivation, Peace, Personal Stories

What a stupid, gloomy morning! I woke up in the morning at 830, and I saw both my roomies had left for office/school already! And I was hoping to be the first one. Grrr …

Then, I pulled up the blinds and it was raining like mad! Damn, stupid rain … depressing me early in the morning.

I went to the bathroom and my toothbrush bristles were getting old already. My towel wasn’t dry. The green tea I drank in the morning tasted bitter. There were no fruits left in the house. And I had to dry and iron my clothes for the morning.

When I stepped out to take the bus to office, I had such a headache and nausea. It was like a week’s hangover was compressed into one hour. And it looked like the bus driver and the lady next to me … were staring at me – What are they, racist??

Sigh … it’s such a terrible day … Why does the world seem against me!

Heard this kind of sob story before? If you’ve ever attended the Patterns of Excellence program, we have a special exercise where we all tell our sob stories and learn what to do with them.

This, ladies and gentlemen – Is “The Victim Story”!

All of us have them. At some point or another we feel like we were wronged by an ex-lover, hurt by friends, yelled at by the boss, cheated in business … and generally dealt cards by “life”.

Sometimes, we gain perspective and decide that it was a critical learning experience. Other times, we hold the grudge for a long long time.

Often, these thoughts stay stuck in our head – reminding us that we’re having a lousy day/week/month/year and generally stopping us from accepting happiness again.

Wouldn’t it be useful if we could turn our sob stories into something empowering? Here’s how I usually handle negative/victim thoughts. Everytime I’m in a bad mood, here’s what I do …

  1. I open up notepad …
  2. I close my eyes …
  3. And I start typing!

And I type about every little thought that’s in my head

  • details from the day
  • fights/disputes with friends/family
  • any fears and insecurities with my work
  • health and the reasons why it’s not doing so great
  • bitching about everybody in my life
  • talking about any incident that has been bugging me
  • incoherent sentences made of strange noises like “aaaaaaaargh” and “bloody fucking hell!”
  • Saying everything I need to say to people around me … but didn’t say out of compulsions or fear
  • love life issues
  • absolutely every single word that comes into my head … whether it makes sense in English or not.

I just keep on typing. Sometimes I open my eyes to read what I just typed … most of the time I just keep typing. And I set aside at least 15 whole uninterrupted minutes to bitch to Mr Notepad.

Sometimes I finish in 5 minutes … Other times, even an hour is too little. But I keep typing until I can’t think of a single thing more to say. Then I pause for 2 minutes. And I type again.

Basically, I just get every single lousy thought in my head … out into notepad … so that it doesn’t have to bother me any more.

At that point, I save the notepad file (to assure the victim part of my personality that I have taken these thoughts into account). But I’ve never had to go back and read a bitching session when I’m feeling better.

Bitch to yourself. And exhaust the bitching so that you won’t spread the bad mood to people around you.

I think it’s nearly impossible to just switch states from negative to positive instantaneously. Instead, what I aim to do is make little changes that make me feel better and better … until the point when I’ve reached a “normal/neutral” state.

And so this little exercise allows me to shift my state from negative to neutral … and for the moment, that’s good enough. I can listen to music, blog, play, date, watch comedy or work to feel better.

And I can smile again. I hope you follow the exercise and can smile again too :)

More Strategies For Managing Bad Moods

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  1. The listening part of what you’re doing is nice. That the ‘victim’ part of you would feel listened-to and that that’s why you save the document (but never feel the need to reread it). Cool idea. Thanks.

  2. Cool..I did that before, and it works pretty well when u just want to pour out all those terrible stuffs and get on with life!! Nice post..:)

  3. Thanks for the interesting article, and for the link.

  4. Hi Rachit,

    read through some of your posts.. and I must say you are one witty man..

    It’s true that we often adopt the victims mindset, myself included.. will be working towards changing that mindset for the coming year.

    meanwhile, keep those interesting posts coming in!

    Regards & God Bless


  5. Hello Rachit,
    It was really great to meet you in person. I totally enjoyed talking to you that day!

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